Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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