It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
