I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
