help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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