Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
