My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
