ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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