my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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