normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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