Say something about gay babies.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
