dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
