All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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