Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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