dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
