i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
