You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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