I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The beer is more important than you right now.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
