My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
