Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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