I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
