This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He passed out mid-signature
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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