Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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