There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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