dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
