new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's just like the Real World with babies
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
