just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
