What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
