So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
how does that bad decision feel?
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