4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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