I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
