I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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