So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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