today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
