You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
