I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
