It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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