there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Randomize
