I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
