Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
