The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
