if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
