Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
