Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
