I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
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