I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
