Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
