ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
