I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
