this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
