we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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