Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
