when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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