; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
